DENISE... MY ONE AND ONLY SUPERHAG

If you've ever been a victim of theft, whether it's home theft or getting robbed out on the street, then you know how unnerving and horrible it is to experience such a terrible violation. Unfortunately, falling victim to such a heinous act was my hag's Asian neighbor... right in front of his own home...

Now allow me to explain to you Denise's luminary and dignitary fever to encompass what it is to be the ideal, trust-worthy neighbor. A week ago, Denise was spending quality time with her boyfriend when suddenly she overheard a quiet, yet anxious yelp from outside her front window. Without pause or trepidation, Denise leaped to her window to get a closer look at what in fact made the strange noise. To her horror, she witnessed her next door neighbor (let's call him Charlie Chan) being assaulted by a man who had him bent and crouched in defense mode. With blinding panic, Denise yelled to Rodney that the poor guy was in trouble and LOUDLY REQUESTED FOR THE WOODEN BAT as she ran towards her front door fully prepared for battle. Now, apparently the thief overheard Denise's cry of war and already had a 4 second head start in the run for his life. Denise threw open the front door and Rodney followed... both completely ready and eerily intrigued with the possibility of kicking someones ass. As they stepped out of their house, the thug had already crossed the street and began to flee down the block as if his feeble life depended on it. Superhag was ready to tear him up from toe to top...

After the police were called and Denise was assured that Charlie Chan was ok, she returned home heated... and left with the tortured feelings of aggressive and violent energy...

I must admit that when she told me the story the following day, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride and admiration for my haggy wonder. Selflessly sprinting towards a crime in progress with the intention of helping a stranger in need is commendable in my book, so bravo to my luscious haggy. I went online and have printed out an application for her to join the Secret Service. This country can use a female disputant in the Service. The crime rate will surely plummet. Love you bishy.