MY HAG IS READY TO EXPLODE...

Get the streamers. Blow up some balloons and blow on your Kazoo's... for my hag has officially jumped into the 21st century. Denise is the proud owner of her very own DSL. Fucking A.

Anyone recall when they first got that little black box in the mail? Remember that little warm feeling you had when you knew that you were finally able to surf the net properly and efficiently? Sure, DSL has it's negatives (it's nowhere near as fast as cable broadband) but just the fact that you were able to watch streaming video and flip through page after page with reasonable speed had you giddy... don't deny it. Well, my haggy received her little package of love about three days ago and has been going absolutely insane with all the wires and phone jack filters that she's ready to call in the Coast Guard for assistance...

I'm convinced (and so is my hag) that Verizon and the little minions they call "customer service" are in cahoots with the Dark Angel of Hell. As if these employees' paychecks were judged on their ability to confuse and piss you the fuck off, they convolute what can be a simple solution to your problem and mix it with jive and technical mumbo-jumbo that can send the most balanced person to the nearest asylum. Needless to say, a "tech" will be visiting her apartment today to fuck up the situation even further...

Hopefully when Denise comes home after a long day of dealing with annoying immigrants and Stalin-like bosses, she'll arrive to witness a nicely laid-out DSL set-up that'll have her gallivanting the internet like the computer whore she is... and by whore, I mean my wifey without marriage papers.

PS. Denise snapped at me yesterday due to her frustration with her DSL (an acronym for Devil, Satan and Lucifer). Because I understand that she was in emotional turmoil due to her high-speed hijinx, I didn't find it necessary to rip off her head and watch her arteries spurt blood like a fountain. Love you bishy face.