Friday, December 22, 2006


Holy shiznit, Christmas is right around the corner. Year after year I promise myself that I'll be prepared come the next Christmas holiday and to my fizzling calamity, I fall head first into a pile of confusion and mayhem. Tis the season to be broke as fuck, so this year I'll be handing out oodles of hugs and kisses, as family and friends should appreciate the fact that I'm still breathing and alive to do so (violin strings here).

  • Denise... my eternal friend of lusciousness, is my Santa all year through as she spoils me with the utmost love and attention (even though I complain that she tunes me out here and there). Though I'm not able to splurge the way I would like to this year, everything will come in good time my dear haggy. If the porn career or my editorial dreams at SKANK MAGAZINE come through, you'll be showered with glossy opulence until you shit silver dollars my love. Until then, you'll have to hold your haggy horses and continue to welcome my pokes and sneers whilst my shady aspirations come into fruition. You're the QUEEN BEE honey, the enchilada of all hags, and you should wear that badge with honor and repletion. Love you slappa.
  • Sara, my newly crowned hag, has certainly found a place in my heart. Miss thang has been holding her stripes with pride... although her rank was almost discarded the other night after another slip of the tongue. Despite her getting really angry with me simply because I had a different opinion than she, I still love her madly and look forward to many more Christmas' alongside her truck driver mouth. When I see you Sara, I'm gonna molest you. It's my job as your fag to make sure that all your bells and whistles are properly functioning, so get used to it. Love ya bish.
  • Theresa. I miss you greatly and only hope that by the next holiday, things will return to normal so you can antagonize and berate me, the way you ever-so-creepily do. Where are you bishy?
  • My dearest Margaret, who managed to move to fucking Yemen this year, completely and utterly vanished off the face of this mother Earth. I miss the insane conversations we've had and odd little moments we shared last year and the beginning of 2006. I swear you're a gay man in a woman's body. Love you more than Cheez-Whiz on Pita Bread.
  • And Aury my sweetheart. You sorta ended this year with a bang up (a fucking foreigner slammed right into her) but you stand proud and remain full of life. No matter what happened to you physically, you still trample on the best of them with your beautiful eyes and splendiferous smile. I want to squeeze you until a little bit of poop shoots out of your booty. Merry Crica.

I end this blog with a special little note to Dewell, who had me on cloud nine until we decided to give our relationship a break so I can emotionally develop (LOL). I owe you my heart and my love when I'm fully able to hand it over. I promise pa. MERRY CHRISTMAS MY BITCHES.


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