LINDSAY CHECKS INTO REHAB

My Lindso has checked herself into rehab. Partying like it's 1999, Lindsay Lohan has apparently reached her drug and booze limit after allegedly passing out after a night full of debauchery and excess. It's no surprise that my love affair with Lindso is partly due to her rebellious and contumacious lifestyle, but I do fear for her career and her seemingly wasted potential as an actress and all-around bitch. Always on top of her game with her inate ability to work the paparazzi in her favor (whether pleasant or scathing), Lindsay has unfortunately topped her very own invisible ceiling as her nightlife and general antics have taken a toll on her physically and emotionally. Linsay doll, I now speak to you: All those characterless, cloying actresses who bore me to tears on a regular basis will be jumping at the chance to grab some of your limelight during your hiatus. I'll be watching as they all stumble and fall in your luscious shadow. Listen, if you detox from those dang pills, you'll have more time and energy to concentrate on the booze and crillz. Get well my raven-haired (for the time being) beauty. See you soon love.