YOU'RE JUST A BUNCH OF SPOILED BRATS...

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how difficult things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning… uphill… barefoot… BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda...

Check this out you fucking freaks...

I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it! But now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia. And I hate to say it, but you kids today have no clue how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to trek to the damn library and look it up ourselves... in the card catalog no less!! There was no email!! We had to actually write someone a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and place it in the mailbox, where it would take a week (and what felt like a month) to get there!

Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3′ s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished, and the tape would come undone... cause that’s how we rolled, dig?

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that’s it! There weren’t any freakin’ cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn’t make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your friends. OH MY GOD!!! Imagine the horror...
Then there’s TEXTING. You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

We didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances...

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids.’ Your main character was a little square (yes, I said square) and you actually had to use your imagination!! There were no multiple levels or screens; it was just one screen… forever! You could never win and the game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!! Okay... so we did have remotes, but they only had like 4 damn buttons. There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get to see cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

We also didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled. You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!