Friday, October 02, 2009


1. I have a horrible fear of getting my fingers either forcefully slammed or pinched by a door, window or any apparatus that might do major digit damage.

2. I cringe at the thought of being struck by a vehicle. I was once hit by a car 23 years ago while I was working as a delivery boy for a pizzeria. Although the car was only going about 25 miles per hour, I felt like I was struck by a train.

3. Because of my recent cringe-worthy incident with the varmint that is the COCKROACH, I have now acquired a mild TICK whenever anybody speaks of a roach.

4. I have a terrible fear of getting kicked in the nuts. I was "accidentally" kicked in my bits and pieces years ago and until this day, my voice has been at a steady SOPRANO.

5. Nuclear war has always been another fear of mine because the simple thought of radiation and its cute, blistering effects drives me into paranoid madness. I don't want to die. I am too exquisitely handsome to blister and burn.

6. I have a deeply-driven fear of children. I don't mean being around them, for I have a career working among them. I'm referring to being a parent to one of THEM. Makes me want to shiver.

7. I have a deep, incurable fear of unkempt feet. If I find myself attracted to a particular person but they have a pair of aberrant, atrocious hooves, all of the upper eye candy that previously caught my attention seems to vanish right before my tortured eyes.

8. I have a fear of developing a lethal blockage... in my PENIS.

9. I have a fear of going completely and utterly BALD.

10. And last but definitely not least... I FEAR CHINESE FOLK.
(I kid of course... or not)


Anonymous LOOLY said...

Nuclear war vs.Unkempt feet? Only you would find these two rather seperate things be of equal fright value!!!! LMAO!!!! The only thing worse than unkempt feet is having one of those amber talons accidentally SCRATCH YOU!!!Oh, the horror! The Horror!

10:05 PM  
Blogger RG said...

I have had my index finger slammed in a car door. They had to drill a hole in my nail to relieve the pressure. It was gross, but amazingly, I didn't break my finger!

Cockroach! Cockroach! Cockroach!

Better you should go in the initial blast of a nuclear bomb. Instant vaporization is much more preferable than getting all blistery and horror or horrors - lose all your hair!

You'd hate my feet - they're all scared and torn up from softball and other various sports. Not pretty - not that they're unkempt - just beaten-up from life!

If you should EVER injure your nuts, please let me know - I will come by and kiss them and make the all better. And that goes for the lethal blockage in your pinga too - I have a great treatment...

Children are okay as long as they're slow roasted and the sauce is correct.

I love Chinese people. The only problem, is that once you have sex with a hot Chinese guy, in an hour you're horny all over again!

8:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was younger, I forgot how old in my teens though, I slammed my thumb on my right hand from the sliding door of my stepfather's van and it broke my nail but then it grew a new one, it hurt like a bitch and it bled a lot, it turned black and blue yo

- Tiffany

1:15 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

Omg, please let me tell you how many times my finger/hand has been slammed in a car door, or had the window rolled up on it. I think maybe the most memorable was when we went on a family trip to the Grand Canyon, and my father SLAMMED the door of the car on my finger. While this sucked, it also made him feel so guilty that at every little roadside stand where the people who lived there were selling jewelry, my little injured seven year old self got something. =)
Ugh, no thanks to nuclear war. Or war at all in fact. But you're right, you're just much too gorgeous to blister up!
Awwe, I do love children. Thought let me tell you, the thought of having one now absolutely kills me. Makes me want to sew myself up to reduce any chance of that happening ;)
This post made me so happy. You never cease to make me smile!

1:18 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

Lilly lives secretly in the vortex that is Eddie's blog. Lilly is the fluid in the vortex and Eddie is the center. Hi Looly.
Eddie: Love your post.

1:50 PM  
Blogger molly said...

hahahahahha, a steady soprano

love your sense of humour and respect your fears - you're a man among boys, eddie!

10:07 PM  
Blogger mkf said...

well, here's another one to add to your list:

i have never trusted those sneaky little bastards.

11:11 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home