FALLING FROM THE MISGUIDED TREE...

Oh, MARY KATE. There's so much about you that's making me happy. Your healthy skin! Your body weight! The fact that your clothes don't look like you dragged them out of the dumpster behind the local RAG SHOP! But then...there's the small issue about the hair:

I just don't know what to say. It's a headband. Of hair. On your forehead. Like some of my West Indian friends might say... "But what de hell is dis?"

Here is Sarah Jessica Parker on the cover of Good Housekeeping. Look at her eyes. Look at her evil eyes. WTF? Nothing seems to be going right from the neck up, and the neck down. Geez.

1. I feel for you Chaka.
2. It's summer. It's hot outside. This is not the time to dress like a frickin' Dominatrix.
3. I think I spy with my little eye something beginning with "c" and ending in "amel toe," and it's all thanks to your joyless tights.
4. Somewhere, the gay Musketeer is sobbing, because this is what he really wanted to wear.