AURY'S SUBWAY ESCAPADES...

• Occasionally I'll be posting random rants from close friends and acquaintances who've managed to experience something life-inspiring or life-threatening during their everyday travels. Here is such a story from my haggy's co-worker Aury, who I'm dying to get to know better. Major props to Aury for not taking shit on the N train, and simply for being an overall bad-ass...

I have to share my morning... So I get on the N train, but not before I am shoved by this little spec-of-a-woman who weighed less than one of my legs. She truly rammed me from the back and I swear that if she hadn't been so little, I would have given her a sopla-moco (snot-rocket in Spanish) and sent her ass back to the Ming Dynasty. After my nostrils returned from the flare-up and my eyes returned from the back of my head and the steam stopped coming out of my ears, I noticed a guy sitting half-on and half-off of his chair. So, knowing very well that he was getting off at Pacific Street, I stood in front of him. We get to Pacific, the doors open, he gets up, and don't you know this little mariconcita (a female bitch/homo) JUMPED OVER the girl next to me and ATTEMPTED to slide her skinny little ass into the seat. In the process, she stepped on my feet (I had on flip flops) with her wet and gooey shoes. At the time of the incident, lol, I was listening to Eminem's "Criminal." I swear it was like Eminem came out of my IPOD and told me to snuff the bitch, lol. I don't know what got into me, but I pinched her shirt (in the process I also pinched her) and just dragged her to the side and sat down. She then proceeded to grill me like she wanted to fight. She had to be like 50 years old -- you know, not too old to get snuffed, so I didn't feel so bad. So we began to stare each other down (I put my Ipod away and took off my earrings, and got into fighting mode thinking... "if this fucking China THINKS for one minute that I won't snuff her, she has something coming to her"). So I'm looking up, she's looking down and all of a sudden, SHE FUCKING KICKED ME. I looked at her in disbelief, and my first reaction was to laugh REALLY hard. I couldn't contain myself. She turned around, that little bacalao-smelling, orange bag carrying freak and acted like she taught me a lesson. Facing the possibility of jail time if I began to hit her, I snapped and decided to kick her back, but HARD. I caught her in the asscheek and was like "YO... WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU KICKING?!" She tried to talk back and I just flipped my noodle. I took my paper and rolled it up and pointed it at her and said... "touch me one more time and see if I won't hit you with this paper cabrona!" I stood up and looked down about 5 feet, lol, and proceeded to yell at this fucker. We argued all the way to Canal Street. When I reached my stop, I got up and looked back at her like... "yeah bitch, go ahead... TOUCH ME." I couldn't give a shit if the Chinese Mafia would have come out of nowhere -- I was ready. And she knew it.