PARTING THE SEA TO GET TO THE GOODIES

My hag can tell you first hand that when I'm hungry, I have the capability of eating a small person. My ravenous appetite can eclipse that of a line-backer... and then some. My fervor for everything edible is containable though, as my haggy knows how to handle a crisis when it's in full-blown attack mode. Culinary delights seem to spring out of nowhere after a well-scheduled puff session. Betty fucking Crocker would be delighted. Taking care of me is part of the hag/fag package while my return back-rubs and stand-up comedy is considered full payment for services. Here's to my haggy for adding two more inches to my belt size, and completely being satisfied with the extra poundage. Love you slappa (that means WHORE in British slang).