CHEECH WILL NEVER FORGET...

My hag is the proud owner of two cats that she more than happily substitutes as children. Cheech and Chong have been in my life since they were newborn baby kittens, so inevitably, I feel I share parental duties alike. It's unfortunate that when this dynamic duo were days old, I accidentally stepped on Cheech (after numerous warnings not to do so) and got a verbal ass-ripping from Denise, which left me heart-broken and scorned until this day. What's also unfortunate is the fact that Cheech has never forgiven me for mashing him up at such a young, vulnerable age. I can see it... the disdain in his eyes... almost waiting for the right moment to scoop out my eyeball and ravage the ocular orb like a toy mouse filled with cat nip. I try to give this poor cat some love. I really do. But as soon as Denise becomes occupied, turning her head for an instant, he strikes. Whether it's a nasty nibble of my wrist, or a seething swipe of my jugular, he just hasn't forgotten our abusive past.

So Cheech, if you're reading this (I swear he can read, talk and giggle) I come to you asking for your forgiveness. The whole "stepping on you" incident was a complete accident and I promise that I'll do whatever it takes to win your trust again.

Here's to wearing long, thick kitchen mittens up to my elbow the next time I decide to pet you.