TEN HONEST THINGS ABOUT ME...

When I was tagged by the angelic Allison over at La Dolce Vita to name 10 honest things about myself, my heart began to race. First, to be tagged by Allison, your are expected to tap into untouched territory and ooze pure honesty. Second, I have nothing to be ashamed of because I love myself inside and out. I will try to speak from the heart (and a little from my groin) so here goes:

1. As much as I've tried to make sense of my newly discovered heterosexual side, I still remain in an utter fog as to what exactly it is I'm experiencing. It used to be that one minute I was picturing a sweaty Latino hunk bending over to pick up a coin and then the next second, a thunderous flash of pretty vagina consumed my thoughts. Lately though, I've been stuck on just one side of the fence. I'm poking and prodding into new territory (no pun intended).

2. The last time I "smoked the Devil's lettuce" I had all intents and purposes on cleaning my bathroom but instead ended up dancing in front of the bathroom mirror whilst placing an immediate order to Domino's for a delivery.

3. No matter how gorgeous a person's appearance, I manage to always take a glance at their hands. I'm captivated and enthralled by a nice pair of clappers. You could have a face that can sell magazines, but if your hands are hurtin', you can wave bye-bye Gargoyle Hands... (those with askew, irregular hands can skip the waving and simply walk away).

4. I sometimes fantasize about writing a skit with the SNL cast here in NYC so as to have the opportunity to brainstorm with some of the craziest minds around. Marinating in untapped possibilities, I know I can concoct multiple 4-minute skits with genius ease and secure my work with some of the best. I only hope that if I do find myself writing amongst the elite, I won't creep them the fuck out with my laceration-inducing sharp wit. America is not ready for this...

5. I cannot stop thinking about someone whom shall remain nameless. This person is consuming my thoughts and is a pleasant, sadistic splinter in my mind. You know who you are my Bella, and I can't wait to be in your presence again. You are the blood flowing through my veins...

6. Never did I imagine that I would submit to the masses and become entranced by my cell phone. It's scary how much I depend on it. The other day a phone rang on television... low and behold, I ran for my cell phone like Michael Jackson ran for the sandbox.

7. Lady Gaga has finally won my homo/hetero heart. I no longer feel the irrepressible urge to back-slap the bitch directly in her Poker Face.

8. I bet some of you were offended by the ending of #6... (for those who were offended... I say BEAT IT)

9. When I found myself dancing ferociously in the bathroom as mentioned in #2, I was listening to Mistress Barbara ~ Dance Me To The End of Love.
(listen to it here)

10. I see myself having a son in the next 7 years. I shall call him LITTLE MAVERICK.