I ACTUALLY GET ALONG WITH MY COWORKERS

Many moons ago, I compiled a small list of some of my coworkers and wrote somewhat of a brief bio on them. My intentions were to share some of the characteristics of these people to convey the love and respect I have for each and every one of them. It's not very often you can find a slew of coworkers for whom you mesh with wholeheartedly, so needless to say, I feel very blessed. I have been meaning to do a sort of a "Part II" for some time now but due to my hectic schedule (and complete laziness), I never found or had the chance to. Here is the unofficial continuation as I had left out numerous people in my last posting. Welcome to the school of clowns...

CLAUDIO

Claudio, Claudio, Claudio... where do I begin? Claudio is my brother, my close friend, my confidant, my partner in my daily comedy show and most of all, he's familia. Claudio has become all of the above in the span of 3 years and I've come to know him as if he were my husband. There are times when I am feeling down and he somehow manages to cheer me up in an instant. When I am horny, he also manages to make sure that he walks with that extra little sexy swagger. Oh wait a minute, that's just in my crazy little mind. Regardless, Claudio is the Robin to my Batman and I will always cherish his presence in my insane, erratic life.


CHRISTINA

Christina became a teacher at my school just over a year ago and within this short span of time, we've managed to become instant Fag/Hag associates with the fierce abandon of two raging drag queens. Not only does she listen when I speak, but she makes sure that she provides me with ample cleavage, as it is a prerequisite in the Fag/Hag relationship. Christina's boobies sway with the precision of two pendulums swaying in a grandfather clock. For what it's worth, I shall find that perfect moment and opportunity where I can rest my ever-so-tired head between her pillows of love. If Wilson is reading this, I remind you that I'm gay.


TANIA

I chose not to post actual pictures of my coworkers to maintain some kind of privacy on their behalf but in speaking of Tania, I had to post this particular pic of her. Almost doubling as a work of art, this photo not only captures the true beauty of a young woman, but it also captures her very own version of the Mona Lisa. Her facial expression conveys various emotions, but I see a young woman who's searching for excitement, passion, intrigue and suspense. I see a woman who is ready to rape the world with her beauty and unbridled youth. I see my Tania love...


CATHY

Cathy is the Rocky Balboa of the Guild. Her tough Italian exterior exudes effortlessly and it seems to work well with the occasional unruly parent who is set out to cause misery and torture with the Guild staff. Cathy has the ability to transform an aggressive, completely irrational parent into a puppy with a small penis. With the twist of a word and the stare of a rabid deer, I have observed some of the most gritty parents break down in complete fear in her presence. The woman is a verbal boxer. I'm ready for round three...

INES

Ines is the Bonnie to my Clyde. Ines, the Puerto Rican version of Cathy, is an old-school, Brooklyn-raised woman who has the prowess and command to convince you to tar and feather yourself. Ines and I have spent numerous hours on the phone having complete laugh-sessions and as a result, have buckled in dear pain to the point that I have dropped my damn Blackberry. Working with Ines is like riding a roller-coaster, as you never know which way things might turn. This ride has been the primary reason why I have a secure bond with Ines and that bond will remain unbreakable.

MIKE

When I was 6 years of age, my dad decided to up and leave his family to partake in a 3o year tryst with drugs. Because of this, I grew up to be an individual who wields a thicker skin, thus molding me into the man I am today. Mike has easily and officially taken over as the father-figure in my life and I'm grateful that he is as equally insane as I am. Our time spent in the lobby of our school serves as our comedy lair as we engage in some of the most berserk yet well-crafted comedic performances to date. From our clever use of word-play, to our sinister giggles when unsuspecting victims (Guild staff) pass us by, there is never any room for boredom. The simple fact that he has a full head of hair at the age of 135 and I'm balding at the age of 35 is an indication that I need to choose better friends. I kid.