THE FAG HAG BILL OF RIGHTS...

Let it be known that Denise and I abide by a set of rules; an unwritten Bill of Rights that we hold dear to our hearts. These rights are the foundation of what keeps our relationship bound and secure in the land of hagdom and fagdom. These unwritten set of rules have been picked, prodded, refined and shaped throughout the two decades of our relationship and is finally ready to be etched into stone. Sure, I don't have a set of majestic tablets to engrave such sacred law, so this post shall serve as a respectable substitute...

DENISE'S BILL OF RIGHTS:

• Said homo must be available at all times when needed. This enables said homo to carry the official title of LADY SITTER.
• Said homo must be proficient at assisting said hag with household duties, i.e. utensil washing, cat litter removal, disposal of heavy garbage bags and recyclables, cleaning the mysterious layer of dust on the living room television set, and must be able to perform a strenuous back rub session that'll leave said hag in a giddy, plasma-like state.
• Said homo shall never show an equal amount of love towards any other female in our sewing circle. Such display of careless affection can render said hag into a furious bout of jealousy.
• Said homo is allowed to make disparaging comments to said hag on a regular basis to ensure that said hag is kept in proper place. A lady sitter who is a doormat serves no purpose in my world.
• Said homo shall be responsible for the elimination of all insects small or large. These insects include silverfish, gnats, bulbous horse flies, unusually large mosquitoes and random spiders.

EDDIE'S BILL OF RIGHTS:

• Said hag must be proficient in gay lingo. She must understand exactly what is meant when said homo refers to bottom and top, tea-bagging, assplay and bareback.
• Said hag must be ready, willing and able to spew numerous compliments at said homo to ensure loyalty and unwavering friendship.
• Said hag shall understand that said homo must be fed in order to function properly.
  
• Said hag shall have an assertive personality otherwise said homo will do the gay dance of domination all over her shambled body.
• Said hag shall not turn against said homo in the company of others. Unless it is done with zero malice, said homo is not to be toiled with. Loyalty comes before beauty in the world of homo.

And so it is written. The above Bill of Rights should be held with the utmost respect and shall never be tarnished by outside distraction or influence. These words are binding and can never be broken. Love it. Besos.