BIZZARO WORLD...

All the lack of attention and all-around lack of publicity has led Jennifer to eat her emotions away. Who needs a baby when you can eat one?

Angelina knows that when Brad is near, all will turn out right in the world of Jolie. No longer a walking skeleton, Gia has been gorging on flap jacks and cigarettes as she waits for her beau to return from filming his latest flop...

I personally cannot recognize any difference in this picture. The bitch always looks like this...

Fresh out of REHAB, Lindsay now knows that a plate full of fruit is much healthier than an 8-ball on a plate. Ain't she purty?

Again, I see no difference in this pic. John actually looks better here...

Pamela Anderson has changed careers dramatically. No longer a b-list actress and all around waste of air, Ms. Anderson is now a 4th grade teacher and part-time hooker... with her male students being her primary source of income.

Perhaps Posh Spice should do some rounds with her more athletic and svelte husband, David Beckham. All the exercise could reignite her Spice Girl fame you know. How about Corpulent Spice?

Nicky Hilton may not get half as much attention as her ditzy counterpart, but can Paris sport such lavish bling and frosted tips with this type of style and panache? I don't think so.

Johnny Depp looks a bit like a 70's porn star in this pic. That little wisp of hair beneath his lower lip serves as a fantastic French Tickler you know...

And last but not least...

All this talk about Nicole Richie possibly being pregnant has led me to fantasize a bit about what the baby might look like. Already the baby weighs more than mommy...