1. I have a horrible fear of getting my fingers either forcefully slammed
by a door, window or any apparatus that might do major digit damage.
2. I cringe at the thought of being struck
by a vehicle. I was once hit by a car 23 years ago while I was working as a delivery boy for a pizzeria. Although the car was only going about 25 miles per hour, I felt like I was struck by a train.
3. Because of my recent cringe-worthy incident with the varmint that is the COCKROACH
, I have now acquired a mild TICK
whenever anybody speaks of a roach.
4. I have a terrible fear of getting kicked in the nuts. I was "accidentally" kicked in my bits and pieces years ago and until this day, my voice has been at a steady SOPRANO
5. Nuclear war has always been another fear of mine because the simple thought of radiation and its cute, blistering effects
drives me into paranoid madness. I don't want to die. I am too exquisitely handsome to blister and burn.
6. I have a deeply-driven fear of children. I don't mean being around them, for I have a career working among them. I'm referring to being a parent to one of THEM
. Makes me want to shiver.
7. I have a deep, incurable fear of unkempt
feet. If I find myself attracted to a particular person but they have a pair of aberrant, atrocious hooves, all of the upper eye candy that previously caught my attention seems to vanish right before my tortured eyes.
8. I have a fear of developing a lethal blockage... in my PENIS
9. I have a fear of going completely and utterly BALD
10. And last but definitely not least... I FEAR CHINESE
(I kid of course... or not