THE MAVERICK LIFE

TAKE A RIDE INTO THE MIND OF A LATIN MAVERICK WHO ALWAYS GRABS LIFE BY THE HORNS.....

Saturday, February 28, 2009

RIHANNA BACK TOGETHER WITH CHRIS...

A MAN WHO LAYS HIS HANDS ON A WOMAN IS NOT A MAN. IF THINGS GET HEATED BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN... THE MAN IS SUPPOSED TO WALK AWAY. A WOMAN'S BODY IS BUILT DIFFERENTLY THAN A MAN. WHEN A MAN STRIKES A WOMAN'S BODY OR FACE, IT DOES DAMAGE.

NO MATTER WHAT THE MEDIA CONJURES UP REGARDING WHAT TRANSPIRED THAT TRAGIC NIGHT, WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT SHE WAS STRUCK MULTIPLE TIMES IN THE FACE WITH BLUNT FORCE BY AN ENRAGED INDIVIDUAL. NO ONE WAS IN THE CAR THE NIGHT CHRIS BROWN LOST COMPLETE SANITY AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE ONE HE'S SUPPOSED TO CHERISH AND RESPECT.

THE MOST TRAGIC THING OF IT ALL IS THE DISTURBING FACT THAT SHE TOOK HIM BACK. LET ME REPEAT - SHE TOOK HIM BACK. HERE WE HAVE ONE OF THE MOST GORGEOUS, TALENTED YOUNG WOMEN IN THE INDUSTRY... BUT SADLY, THIS STARLET HAS ZERO SELF-WORTH. CHRIS BROWN NEEDS TO GO TO JAIL AND GET STRUCK IN THE FACE MULTIPLE TIMES BY HIS BIG, BROODING CELL MATE. MAYBE ONLY THEN HE WILL BEGIN TO THINK TWICE ABOUT EVER CONSIDERING HURTING ANOTHER WOMAN.

RIHANNA... WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE ARE YOU GIVING THE YOUNG WOMEN OUT THERE WHO ADMIRE EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR? LISTEN TO YOUR FAMILY. LOVE THYSELF A LITTLE MORE. WAKE UP LITTLE GIRL.

Friday, February 27, 2009

KILL BILL: THE MOST EXQUISITE SCENE EVER


YOU MUST WATCH UNTIL THE END...
BLACK MAMBA VS. COPPERHEAD
ENJOY BITCHES

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

LOST IN TRANSLATION...

If you have an iota of interest in what I find humorous in life, then grab your thinking caps and read the captions below. For those of you who regularly visit my blog, then you've come to expect my usual Japanese to Engrish (lost in translation) posts. For my new visitors... I welcome you to the world of Engrish.

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to offend anyone of the Asian race. Its sole intention is to provoke the funny-bone in your mind.

At least they are honest...


50 ways to choose your cancer...


They've been putting on the pounds you know...


Served with omnipotent sauce...


Someone forgot to take their mood-stabilizing pills...


I am afraid to click yes...


My kind of computer...


Not for the lactose intolerant...


My waitress just threatened me...


Just say no to LSD...


I'd leave a tip if I were you...


Fravorful!!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

MUSIC OR DEATH...

I live and breathe music. It pulses through my veins and stimulates the electrical currents that surge through the web of nerves in my body. Being tagged by the luscious Molly to list my 5 favorite albums of all time is a monumental task and one that I do not take lightly. To narrow my lust and obsession for music down to a measly selection of 5 albums is something I will only do for Miss Thang. How about 10? Here goes:

1. BACK TO BLACK
What do I say about my #1 pick. Besides expressing my undying love for Amy's music, I must say that my magnetic attraction to everything Winehouse is partly due to something that rings close to home, what with experiencing family members who've been affected by substance abuse. Amy's drug and alcohol problems have been well publicized and it pierces my heart to hear the crude, disrespectful remarks made towards someone so talented and who is battling the disease of addiction. Personal tragedy can produce some of the most genius of music. Back to Black and Wake Up Alone are examples of that. I love you Amy.


2. DEBUT
This wonderful Icelandic siren has been my musical life-line since her days in a not-so-little band called the Sugarcubes. In '93, Bjork exploded onto the electronic/dance scene and has since then evolved into a category all of her own. Big Time Sensuality remains my all-time favorite track co-produced and written by this esoteric songbird. Do not be fooled though. Bjork may be small in stature, when her family is threatened, like a cougar... she packs a necessary wallop.


3. LIKE A VIRGIN
Before Britney there was Madonna. For all the young folk who stagger to purchase a copy of Blackout and Circus, Madonna already has been there and done that. Nothing new kiddies. Madonna's Like a Virgin and Dress You Up remain unsurpassed. Take a look at her fashion and music genius. Her Madgesty remains unmatched. Her shoulders must be raw from all the little chickies standing on them. BTW, remember the Britney/Madonna kiss? It was inspired by this original performance on MTV in 1984... complete with floor humping.


4. MASTER OF PUPPETS
Many people may not know this but when I was a teenager (13-15) there was a fierce metal flame flickering in my titanium heart that craved speed metal music at its finest. Metallica set the standard and completely satisfied my hunger. This album personified my teen angst. Sanitarium and Master of Puppets meant and currently means much to me. The entire album is fantasmagoric.


5. BREATH FROM ANOTHER
This album completely guided me through some hard times back in the late 90's with its mood-enhancing music married to Esthero's entrancing voice. I religiously played this album continuously and soaked in every track from beginning to end. Superheroes and Breath From Another stand out among a slew of other gems neatly packed into one exquisite dish.


6. THE MISEDUCATION OF LAUREN HILL
Lauryn Lauryn Lauryn. Where for art thou Lauryn? Ms. Hill dropped this work of art and had artists in the U.S. and around the world clamoring for her to produce their next album. Today, Ms. Hill seems to have disappeared off the face of this earth. Maybe it was just meant to be. This album is music perfection with soul that oozes out of every corner of its packaging. Lost Ones and Doo Wop (That Thing) are examples of Lauryn's talented and misunderstood mind. I miss you Lauryn.


7. HOMOGENIC
Are you experiencing deja vu? Didn't he already list Bjork as one of his favorites you might ask? Allow me to explain. Bjork's first album (one of my selections above) was a masterpiece. Bjork's third album... another masterpiece. Simple as that. From the minute I pop in the disc and press play I find myself stimulated with a plethora of feelings. Any album that can evoke a hand-basket of perplexed emotions deserve to make it onto my list of all-time favorites. Take a listen to Hunter and Bachelorette. Enough said.


8. READY TO DIE
Many people dismiss rap as a genre that is plagued by violence and ignorance and therefore cannot be taken seriously in the world of music. I wholeheartedly disagree. Rap music tells a story. It doesn't sugar-coat its lyrics in order to be played on the top 100 billboard and it doesn't apologize for its brutal, in-your-face lyrics. The Notorious B.I.G was a lyrical genius who had a story to tell. Those who grew up in New York (and in Brooklyn no less) can appreciate Biggie's violent accounts of his personal experiences. Biggie slayed the competition with rhymes that remain unmatched. No disrespect, but Tupac who? For those brave enough, take a listen to Warning and Who Shot Ya.


9. ENTER THE WU-TANG 36 CHAMBERS
Out about the same time Biggie hit the rap scene in '94, Wu-Tang Clan, comprised of a group of talented East Coast rappers (The RZA, The GZA, Ol Dirty Bastard, Inspectah Deck, Raekwon, Ghostface Killer and M.E.T.H.O.D MAN), went on an underground music spree and gained a reputation simply through word of mouth. No fancy marketing, no 15-foot billboards with their name on it. Simple word of mouth and gifted lyrical pen-to-paper rhymes led them to find a coveted spot on my list of favorites. Protect Ya Neck and Method Man will fuck-up your ear drums.


10. HONORABLE MENTION: CARPENTERS
My mother has always been an enormous influence on my taste in music and because of her, I have a great appreciation for the wonderful music that peppered the radio stations when I was a child. The Carpenters are one such group. Karen Carpenter, along with her brother Richard Carpenter, were an instrumental duo who had a soft musical style while rock bands of the same time were louder and wilder. Sadly, Karen later passed away after many years of battling anorexia. Karen's sometimes tormented, haunting voice can be heard in her music, most notably Rainy Days and Mondays. Although Karen is no longer with us, her music will always remind me of my carefree childhood days.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

A SAD DAY IN AMERICA...

Sean Delonas, the despicable artist responsible for drawing this horrid cartoon, along with the New York Post, have hidden behind the horrific details of an event in Connecticut to traffic-in racist imagery and gratuitous violence in the name of parody. On February 18th, 2009, the Post printed the above cartoon in their newspaper which depicts two police officers shooting-down a chimpanzee.

I think we can all agree it is painfully obvious that this cartoon contains a clearly racist thread; intentional or not. Saying that there is a need to find someone new to write a stimulus bill after shooting said ape implies that only one person wrote the bill in the first place. The only person who might be considered solely responsible for that piece of legislation is President Barack Obama, who we all know is African American, ergo the chimp in the comic stands for Obama whether the artist "intended" it or not. Being that the stimulus bill has been the first legislative victory of President Obama (the first African American president) and has become synonymous with him, it is not a reach to wonder that they are indeed inferring that a monkey (Obama) wrote the bill.

Racists frequently refer to darker-skinned people as monkeys, apes, or some vulgar variation and specifically call black people chimps. Many racists are currently looking at this cartoon in exactly that way, as they chuckle and spew their atrocious reasoning behind the cartoon's supposed meaning. Sean Delonas is not guilty here of being funny, but of not thinking this cartoon through. In fact, perhaps thinking this through is EXACTLY what they (The Post) did after all. The Post is guilty of blind insensitivity for printing a cartoon depicting the shooting-down of the chimp who sadly attacked a woman and they are devilishly guilty of outright disrespect and racism clearly directed towards our President.

Monday, February 16, 2009

LAUGHTER RATHER THAN PROZAC...

Valentine's Day came and went like a 15-year-old boy's first sexual experience. Hallmark is $$~loaded~$$ and I still have chocolate caught between my teeth. On that note, I leave you with a little belated Valentine's comic that represents so much:
Those of you with an I.Q. over 120 surely can appreciate the uniquely bazaar humor in Gary Larson's The Far Side. Larson's creative ideas often compared and contrasted the behavior of humans and animals. In his comics, the animals and other creatures were frequently presented anthropomorphically. The Far Side ran for 15 years, ending with the retirement of the strip on January 1st, 1995. Larson chose to end the cartoon because he felt it was getting repetitive, and did not want it to descend into what he called "the graveyard of mediocre cartoons." My admiration for Gary Larson stretches beyond the capacity of written word. Below are a few of my favorites. These in particular have poked and prodded at my funny bone and I must share them with you:
















Friday, February 13, 2009

ANY SUGGESTIONS??

Because I work at a school I am fortunate to have the Board of Education calendar that allows for many holidays and school breaks. Because of this, I am viciously ecstatic that I have the upcoming week off. In NYC, mid-winter recess is a common thing. All the schools across the city and state of NY are closed for one week. Needless to say, I'm happy as a pig in shit.

Having this time off has me contemplating as to what activities I would like to partake in. Here are a few things I'm currently considering:

  • Should I take this time to re-watch some of the flicks I just can't get enough of?
  • Should I spice it up and have sex with a different individual for every day of next week?
  • Should I spend the week doing an insane amount of push-ups to round-out my already perfect pecs?
  • Should I visit my haggy only to be incessantly dogged because I haven't visited her since Britney hung-out with Adnan?
  • Should I blog continuously and flash-flood the internet with my insane blogs and random rants?
  • Should I roam the streets of NY and walk really close to some random person who just happens to be heading in the same direction as me? Surely if they react, I'll respond with... "Why the fuck are you so close to me?"
  • Should I threaten to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge only to yell "SIKE" to the police and firemen whom I suddenly find gathered around me?
Whatever the adventure I choose, I shall give it my all.

Please feel free to drop me any suggestions I might find intriguing. My closest blogging buddies surely must have an idea or two. The wacky need only apply.

Besos my sweet bitches... and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

THIS IS WHY I'M NOT RELIGIOUS...


Thanks to RG for scaring the SHIZZ out of me. I'm actually going to have trouble sleeping. LMAO

Sunday, February 08, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE HOLLOW TIN CHEST

I'm a day late my Sara love, forgive me. I sat down and thoroughly contemplated what I wanted to post for your BIRTHDAY and I've come up with this:

I love Sara because she's the only one who can fully back-slap my face and manages to not get knocked the fuck out.

I love Sara because despite not seeing her since Ronald Reagan held office, we manage to pick up right where we left off.

I love Sara because she's a dedicated mom to her little girl Isabella. I love that name, don't you?

I love Sara because when we used to hang out, she would immediately plop her feet onto my lap with full expectations that I will soon begin cracking her toe-knuckles.

I love Sara because she was the 4th hagster initiated into my hagdom.

I love Sara because she was one of the original creators of the full-on ass-poke. The bitch does not discriminate when applying the ass-poke, as she's poked my asshole forcefully when I was found in compromising positions.

And finally, I love Sara because she totally expected for me to do a Birthday Post for her when she hasn't called a brother in 7 years. Ok... maybe 6 months. Regardless, she's a whore-bag. And I say that with lots of lurve.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA LOVE

A LITTLE TRIP TO THE DENTIST... LMFAO

Saturday, February 07, 2009

MY ENGRISH IS JUST FINE DAMMIT...

Here, use these scissors...





God bress us all...





The HAHA Coffee Shop is around the corner...





It's usually most fragrant when hot...





I'm stuck here...





Because they must consider the Bulimics...





At least it's better than trying to go through it...





Attention Deformities!!





Why don't they serve the Bread Paul and Butter...?




What are we celebrating again??





Because my heart is currently flaccid...

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

MY HAGGY'S SON TURNS 1 TODAY!!

One year ago today, my Haggy went into labor after what felt like a gestation that lasted 18 months. I remember it all like it was yesterday. I was there when Denise would lay on her side in the attempt to find a comfortable position, only to end up doing a 180 degree turn to face the back of the couch to moan uncontrollably due to her massive, protruding belly. I was there at 3a.m. when she would come storming out of her bedroom and rush towards the toilet bowl to projectile-vomit what sounded like a small river. I was also there to help her up from the sofa because gravity began playing devilish tricks on her. My bulging biceps are proof enough.

On Super Bowl Sunday of last year (February 3rd), my Haggy gave birth to a gorgeous boy who she named James. He was born almost the size of a premature baby and has now grown into what looks like a small version of his daddy. I recall visiting Denise at the hospital shortly after giving birth only to see her out of bed practically doing back-flips and jumping jacks. While other moms were lying in their beds unable to move due to their swollen vulvas, Denise was walking around her hospital room as if spitting out a human being from her vagina was a cake-walk.

James is one of those babies who looks great in every pic (even though babies are babies, they don't always look cute). Total Gerber material. Just take a long gaze at the above photo of James and you'll understand that he's a little meatball of perfection and his cute newly-surfacing teeth are the icing on the meatball cake.

I've been a bad Uncle though. I haven't been visiting as often as I used to and as plain as day, I have no excuse. I promise I'll be a better Uncle to my James.

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY MY HANDSOME JAMES!!

YOUR UNCLE LOVES YOU!!

Monday, February 02, 2009

LISTEN TO THIS: K-OS SUPERSTAR


For those who are house music junkies and know a little bit about the culture, this track naturally should be part of your playlist. This song was a staple in local clubs here in NYC. Whenever it was played at the clubs, people automatically formed a circle while those who dared, showed off their dancing skills. Turn up your volume and adjust the bass. This was the best video copy I could find. Enjoy.