WHY I LOVE LINDSAY...

"Sex and the City changed everything for me because those girls would just sleep with so many people. And that's me. I'm not dating just one person. It is the variety of partners everyone likes, especially at my age. I'm like Angelina Jolie, taking on lovers. I don't need a steady relationship. I mean if the sex is bad, the relationship is not going anywhere. Anyway, I don't even think I've had my best kiss yet. My mom's going to kill me for talking about sleeping with people." {source}

HAPPY HALLOWEEN BITCHES

THE 2006 MUSTACHEO BASHEO

The mustache is not for everyone. Sure, these wonderous whiskers have been known to harbor tiny bits of food and inanimate objects, but if grown properly, many years of magnificent mane can be yours for the taking. With Hitler and Stalin permanently tainting what was a follicle feat, one can sympathize with the thought of remaining bare-lipped. This is not so with the first annual, 2006 Mustacheo Basheo...

The Mustacheo Basheo is a celebration of the hard work and surgical mastery that is necessary to maintain the brazen bristle we've come to know and love. Rodney (my hag's boyfriend) was one of the co-creators/judges of this fantastic fur festival that took place last week at OFF THE WAGON, a downtown Manhattan bar where he works. It was the place to be to gather some of the most comical coiffures I've ever seen. Brandishing what was a useless excuse for a mustache, I entered the bash immediately feeling dwarfed by some of the contestants who were competing for actual plaque awards. These plaques ranged from THE JEFFREY DAHMER AWARD (for someone who can barely call theirs a stache) to THE TOM SELLECK AWARD (for those who wield their stache as an extra limb).

With drinks a plenty and music loud enough to pierce your eardrum, my hag and I had a wonderful time mingling with the wickedly wooly. There was even a moment where I felt my mustache grow an inch or two as I stood among some of the bestial best. My hag (donning her very own grey stache) took plenty of pics for those interested in seeing our follicle friends in all their glory. Here's to looking forward to the 2007 Mustacheo Basheo. Maybe next year I'll have a chance on bringing home the coveted FREDDY MERCURY AWARD. Love it.

FIRST ANNUAL MUSTACHEO BASHEO PICS...

Tim and Rodney were the masterminds of this gathering as they mingled with all of the guests who've come to party and celebrate this hairy event. Tim, with 80's bandana in tow, directs all the attention to Rodney, who's stache was a bit thicker than most.

And the first annual 2006 Mustacheo Basheo award goes to...

Rodney begins announcing the winners of the most coveted award of the year. Screw the Academy Awards...

The stache is something one should display with pride. Puff up that chest and hold your hips with the utmost abandon, for the stache is sexy and shrouded in mystery.

Denise and Rodney take a moment to show the world that they've got it. Looking like a 70's porn/Hollywood star, Rodney gives the universal fuck you to everyone who disapproves of his stache and wig.

Yes folks, this is the first official picture of yours truly. Seen here, Denise (my hag) and I were enjoying ourselves and simultaneously taking in everyone in all their hairy glory. It took Denise about a month to grow her very own stache you know...

BJORK: HUNTER

Another of my favorites, Bjork seems to tap into her inner-beast in this video. I remember first popping in her HOMOGENIC CD and being instantly captured in her world. She's a gem to say the least...

BJORK AND THE SUGARCUBES: COLDSWEAT

Way before Bjork audibly pounded the United States and re-invented music with her electro/Mars force of nature, this Icelandic Pixie was a member of a music group called The Sugarcubes. This here is one of my favorite tracks from her band. Enjoy.

HUNK HUNTING: WHAT DO YOU THINK?

MINK HUNK...
SLY HUNK...

CUTIE-PIE HUNK...

LOOK AT HIS STOMACH HUNK...

WET AT THE BEACH HUNK...

CHEW-STICK HUNK...

PERFECT TORSO HUNK...

ALMOST SHOWING HIS PIPI HUNK...

IN HEAT AND LEANING AGAINST THE WALL HUNK...

MY TRUNKS ARE FALLING OFF HUNK...

SMART-ALLECK FLIRT HUNK...

LATINO BACKSIDE LUST HUNK...

GET YOUR LAUGH ON...

MY JAKEY GOES COMMANDO

Here's my Jakehead with a flirty distracted gaze. I swear I can't get enough of this guy. Sure, he's starred in one of the most intense love stories of all time (Brokeback Mountain bitches), but that's not the main reason I gravitate towards him. I found him oddly attractive in Bubble Boy. That there movie had me hook-line and sinker in love...

And here's my Jakey Jakes walking towards paparazzi with the sole intention of making all gays around the world want to clench their butt-cheeks in unison (the flaming gays that is... lol).

And here's my Jakers going COMMANDO in what is obviously a forced celebrity cock-shot. He knew what was swinging around. Those are the type of games Jakey-Poo plays when paparazzi buzz around him like bees to a hive. Why not display your junk for all the admirers to see (like myself). WORK IT BITCH...

CHYNA... ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL??

Chyna has always been a bit perplexing to me. Not only is she gargantuan (in every sense of the word) and heavy on the eyes, she's just outright mannish to me. My sister is totally convinced that SHE is a HE and will not bend on that issue. So this leads me to the point of this posting. Take a look below and see for yourself. The proof is in the crotch so to speak. Um... maybe not:

And here she is in all her glory. I guess I can only chalk it up to either two conclusions. Either she's a woman... or she's just a full-fledged tranny who's had it snipped off (ouch). Maybe she's just a good "tucker" in the crotch department. Who knows. Whatever the case may be, I must apologize to my unsuspecting readers who became repulsed when they layed eyes upon this MANGINA. I gagged too.

GAY MARRIAGE

If this isn't reason enough why two loving humans should get married, then I don't know what is...

WHY DOES MY BLOG LOOK LIKE THAT??

I've noticed that on occasion there have been some problems concerning my AOL and using it as an ISP/web browser. Once in a while I'll check my emails on AOL and soon after I'll give my blog a quick check to ensure every posting is where it's supposed to be (damn blogger). Unfortunately, I came upon a mash-up of sorts regarding my posts. As I logged on to my blog, I immediately noticed that my archive section seemed eerily crossed with my two latest posts, giving the impression that I don't know what the heck I'm doing. Let me explain. AOL (with all the money they consume you would think they'll be prepared for a measly old blog) doesn't have the proper capacity to open up a page that contains a large amout of information, thus leaving you with a jumbled mess that only FIREFOX can fix...

Thanks in part to my lovely tech-savy sister Nat, she exposed me to the benefits of working with such a powerful engine. Despite maintaining a blog, I still don't have much of a clue with the ins and outs of computer technology. I can't stress enough how this little engine can benefit everyone, as I've even had problems with my Internet Explorer regarding proper page openings.

I'm interested in hearing from my readers (all 10) to see if I'm the only scallywag who's had problems in this area. Feel free to drop me a comment and explain if you too are pulling out your hair because of AOL's flaws.

SINCE WHEN TOMMY LEE??

We obviously recognize Mr. TommyLee in all his gay glory, but I'm not sure who the heck this other dude is. I'm sure this is just a rocker-type thing and not any confirmation that Tommy Lee is a homo. Time to puke.

What can I say? Although Tommy Lee looks to have turned his head a bit, it sure looks to me that they just orally loooooved one another. Who knew that Tommy was secure enough in his manhood to show that much affection without being all gay and shit. Tommy is a flaming Queen... {source}

BORAT MAKES HIS PREMIERE

Kazakhstan's greatest journalist journeyed to Hollywood to promote his new film Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan. Drawing quite a crowd of A-listers, everyone from Courtney Cox to Roseanne Barr joined the festivities for some knee-buckling laughter. Take a look bitches:

Pulling up to his premiere in a disheveled, cream-colored limo monstrosity, Borat gives a thumbs up to the crowd showing his delight with the allegiance of his fans. Everyone who considers themselves a fan of Borat know that his true identity is that of Sacha Cohen, a comedian made famous by an appearance in Madonna's Music video, let alone an HBO series titled Da Ali G. Show.

Here, Borat stands alongside two of his hometown sunbathers as they lend him loyal support on such an exciting day. I would look slammin' in one of those contraptions. Hot.

Drew Barrymore made an appearance at Borat's movie premiere looking as lovely as ever. It's no surprise to me that Drew would come to such an event as she is not the type to shy away from a movie with such farcical content. Love you bishy!!

Looking as misguided as ever, my lovely Courtney Love made an appearance to see Borat in all his journalistic, foreign wonder. Heaving boobies aside, Courtney has been looking quite HEALTHY these days despite a not-so-long-ago love affair with drugs. Miss Love might be slovenly sultry, but her past appearance on Pamela Anderson's Roast on Comedy Central has etched me as a permanent fan. Love you bish!!

MADONNA CRUCIFIX SCENE DELETED

Madonna's crucifix scene from her Confessions Tour has been banned from the upcoming NBC special that will air the show... minus the shout-out to Jesus. I find it nauseating that until this day, people find the time to make mountains out of moehills. Too bad the sheep of the world have to rant and rave and get things their way. I personally find it beautiful and intriguing. If I were Madonna, NBC would not be my channel of choice. I would choose a station who respects my work and can see the purpose behind it all. Madonna: Confessions Tour live from London will air on November 22nd at 9pm. Enjoy.

MADONNA APPEARS ON OPRAH FOR DAMAGE CONTROL

Madonna will be getting a bit cozy with Oprah tomorrow (October 25th) to discuss all the negative attention she's been flocking since her decision to adopt a Malawian African boy named David. Hopefully she'll discuss how the media in general should pucker up and kiss her majestic ass and concentrate on all the adopted children who end up in abusive non-loving homes right here in the good ole' U.S. of A. She should also discuss how this Malawian boy's father doesn't know if he's coming or going. First he goes on record as saying everyone should leave Madonna alone, and now he's stating that he never consented to Madge permanently adopting the boy. What did he think? Did he assume she had planned to rent the boy to wax her floors? I suspect Kunta Kinte yearns for a bit more ca$h.

HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME

Britney Spears' second baby continues to be something of a mystery. No photos. No official certification that Sutton Pierce is the name. Is it even a boy? Rumor is running rampant as to why all the secrecy and some have even speculated that Britney and Kevin are taking a page right out of the Suri Cruise handbook, with the baby's identity being released in a PR blitz. Some even say that the photos will coincide with the official release of Kevin's new album (icky poo) on October 31st. I couldn't give a damn if Britney's child was a hermaphrodite, just make your comeback already!! I'm patiently awaiting her return to whoredome and frankly, she's running out of time... {pic source}

KATIE AND TOM: GALACTIC WEDDING

After a year and a half of anticipation, on October 20th, friends and family of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise finally got what they have been waiting for: a WEDDING INVITATION. It's been learned that guests were notified late in the day to be free the weekend of November 16-19. The couple's rep, Arnold Robinson, confirms the wedding will take place November 18th in Italy. Martians rejoice!! I wonder if E. T. will be joining the festivities?? {pic source}

T. R. NIGHT COMES OUT OF THE HOSPITAL CLOSET

T. R. Night (pictured right), the hunky oddball from Grey's Anatomy, recently came out to People magazine stating he's a bonifide homo. Despite doing everything but backflip from joy, I managed to contain my composure and write this bit of news. Here, Mr. Night is enjoying a masculine mid-afternoon walk with Luke MacFarlane, a fellow ABC star from the series Brothers and Sisters. Being the prominent perv that I am, I immediately pictured them doing the mattress mambo with a hot serenade of Sade playing in the background. I've always found T. R. extremely hot in a nonconventional way... although I do not tune into Grey's Anatomy on the regular. It's Dr. McHomo to all you bitches now!! [pic source]

BORAT THE MOVIE... LOVE IT!!

Borat... a.k.a. Ali G. is best known for his controversial interviews (all sarcastic and well thought out) and crude way of asking questions to unsuspecting a-holes who just don't get it. Borat (Sacha Cohen Baron) is releasing a film for all his die-hard fans to enjoy. Da Ali G. Show was one of my all-time favorite series, so of course I look forward to some uncomfortable, hysterical moments with the dude from Kazakhstan. Love it.

MADONNA: PARADISE

I've searched high and low, hunting every corner of the globe to find the ever-elusive Paradise video from Madonna. During her Drowned World Tour in 2001, she performed this song on stage with this "unofficial" video playing on the enormous screen behind her. This video (the single was on her Music Album) was never officially released for the public to see. This is one of Madonna's most haunting works to date and only furthers my love and obsession for this woman's never-ending talent. The song is amazing to say the least and the words run deep. Enjoy this never-before released materpiece. Madonna fans rejoice!!

IT FIGURES... BLACK PUMPKINS (KIDDING)

PICKING JENNY'S BRAINS A BIT...

Dios mio, I'm groggy. I do not know WHY. I am having such a hard time keeping my eyes open. Mark told me I look muy sexy when I'm not able to lift my eyelids. This was right after he sucked all the blood out of me while playing Interview With A Vampire again. I just let him bite me in the neck so he would stop BREATHING on me already and let me get back to watching Ugly Betty. Maldito sea, I'm so bored right now I could just fall asleep... ZZZZZZZZZZ...

THE KEY TO UNLOCKING A MEMORABLE COSTUME

Halloween is a time for real talent to emerge -- using a costume as a form of inner art if I may. Countless fans of this ghoulish holiday take advantage of witty costumes to portray the likes of anything unconventional. Not only is this costume giving you the opportunity to pork your girl right there in front of wide-eyed onlookers, but you look scarily sassy in the process. Pagan holidays rule.