AMY MY LOVE... I WANT TO HELP!!

OMG Amy... OMG. Words can't even express how agonizing it is to see you in this mess. My heart completely severed in two when I came across these pics. You really need to love yourself a little more Amy. I deeply love you and I feel completely hopeless that I can't do a damned thing about it. Help her Jesus...

As you can read for yourself ( in such tactful captioned manner) the captions below the pics speak for themselves. I felt a piercing pain in my knee when I saw that horrific gash in her leg. Damn...

After the whole ordeal went down and Amy found herself in reasonable safety, she popped into a store to purchase some cigs. Getting battered by your loving, amorous husband can make you JONES for an unfiltered Camel. This is why I love her.

In her lowest display of non-esteem, Amy feels she must protect this miscreant and begin direct damage control. Shaking and all battered inside, Amy shrugs it off and locks into a hug with the DEMON OF THE NIGHT. I hate him... I do.

I wish you the best my love, for I couldn't live without your music and overall insanity. If you died... well... I would die. Now get your shizz together.

WHY I LOVE AMY

MADONNA: DRESS YOU UP

Britney who? Christina who? I ask those questions because I can't comprehend how much of a head start Madonna had on these two chicks. Long before Britney and Christina were even thought of, Madonna was running rampant and causing a ruckus. Adults covered their mouths in shock and awe, as their little virginal daughters began to dress like her Madgesty. And take notice - Madonna's style was one of a kind. The Lindsay's and Hillary's of today completely tear out pages from Madonna's fashion history book.

Bow down bitches.

GOD OF WAR 2

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is why I love video games. Ever since I was knee-high to a grasshopper, I've conjured up countless fantasies about one day playing such a game. I'm inherently obsessed with Greek Mythology so my introduction to this game was a marriage made in heaven. All the methodical characters from Greek Mythology history books are present in the game and done with unrivaled cinematic flair. While everyone covets a Playstation 3 or XBOX 360, I revel in the untapped power of the good 'ole Playstation 2. This is proof positive of what happens when a TALENTED group of programmers come to grips with their daring imaginations and fierce programming abilities. Bravo to it's creators...

They've officially made me squirt in my undies.

MADONNA IS MY BITCH...

A die-hard Madonna fan until my ultimate demise, my love for this woman shall never falter. I adore everything she stands for and have multiple orgasms every time I listen to her music.

Ahh... Bedtime Stories. All you loyal Madonna fans fully understand how hot this particular album was. While others clamored towards her more poppy shizz, I gravitated towards some of the R&B-type tracks on this album. Bedtime Stories (the track) was the icing on the cake.

Only Madonna can sit on a red chair with leg fully cocked and look good. With flexibility like that, it's know wonder why Guy Richie hasn't parted ways with her Madgesty. I love you Madonna, I love you like I love hot Latin man-ass.

Remember her Papa Don't Preach days? While it wasn't my favorite era regarding her fashion choices, you have to admit that she looks effing beautiful here. Years younger and with eyes the size of saucers, Madonna had me bouncing to her beatz like a homo on pink roller skates.

Responding to my advances, Madonna suddenly blushes and begins to pant in my presence. At this moment... she becomes mine. That's right bitch.

Do you know of a 48-year-old woman who looks this good? I'm afraid not. Don't hate bitches, CONGRATULATE.